Inner Protector Characters or Inner selves
are often under-age

But they are trying to do a grown-ups' job
 

"You know," I remarked to my friend Kate (speaking from one of my more knowledgeable and rather authoritarian inner characters) "One of the troubles with each and every character who lives in our inner villages  (our inner selves) is that each time we start a new relationship it means more work and more worry for them. No wonder so many of them really don't want us to get into relationships at all."

"I don't agree." said Kate (speaking with considerably more insight I had been using). "Lots of characters in my inner village love getting me into new relationships. The trouble is the kind of relationships they get me into!"

And that started me thinking.

Of course, she was right, there are many inner protector characters (inner selves) who know a great deal about particular kinds of relationships and about getting in and out of them.

Power and Control

It's safe to say that nearly every character in the average inner village is concerned about a core issue related to our sense of vulnerability or safety.  That issue can be summed up the in a couple of words "Power and Control".

Parent-child relationships

Most of our inner village characters, being rather young emotionally, know lots about "parent-child relationships", that is relationships where one person is stronger or more in control than the other one.  In this kind of relationship there is a constant struggle as to which partner' s village is going be in control (theirs will be the village dominated by a parent character) and which partner's village is going be the home of the controlled person (theirs will be the village dominated by an under-age character).

Reward-punishments relationships

Lots of other villagers are experts in handling relationships based on a mixture of rewards and or punishments as a way of controlling someone else.  Come to think of it , although this relationship is a may appear to involve a different "power and control" set-up it's still more or less a parent-child relationship, except that there is more wheeling and dealing going on. But in the end, it is the parent character who were usually win the deal anyway and therefore continue to maintain power and control.

Conflict--based relationships

And if regular bouts of fights or arguments between two people who say they love each other can be classed as a "relationship" then I have to agree with Monica.  The characters who live and fight in these two Inner Villages need to know lots and lots and lots about getting into conflict-based relationships and about how to behave when they are in them, otherwise the relationship would not continue!

What I meant to explain to Kate, and it is now coming clearer, is that that none of the different kinds of inner protector characters described above are really "grown-up" enough to recognise that there is another different kind of relationship, one which is not based on power or control and where neither person is stronger or weaker than the other.  This is understandable because they are so young emotionally.  It takes a lot more maturity to appreciate what a truly "grown up" relationship would be like or how it could possibly work effectively. 
And as you come to understand more about the characters in a typical inner village you cannot help but notice that one of the things that most of them lack is a "grown-up" outlook on life.

This is not their fault and we do not criticise them for it it's more that they came into existence, for most of us, when we were children and they did what they had to do to protect us at that time.  But they did it in an under-age way.