Facilitating A Close Friend">
Facilitating A Close Friend, Partner or Family
Member There is no reason why you should not use voice dialogue with a good
friend, a partner or anyone with whom you have a close emotional bond as long as you both
stay close to the guidelines on the previous pages. Of these the most essential rule is
that the facilitator has absolutely no ‘agenda’ or desired outcome and is not
wanting to change the client (friend or partner) in any way or ‘treat’ them for
a diagnosable condition. If you decide to facilitate your spouse or your teenage son in
the hope that it will encourage him or her to help more around the house or be less angry
with you, there is no way that attempting voice dialogue can be successful and it may
cause damage to the relationship. On the other hand if two partners take it in turns to dialogue in a
neutral format with each other’s inner selves this will prove to be an excellent way
of extending adult awareness. This will, of course, result in greater intimacy, by
reducing the role the selves feel they have to play dealing with vulnerability in the
relationship, something they are not well equipped to do. Remember that whether as facilitator or client you must always refer to
both of you as third parties and also remember that no one has to like another
person’s inner selves or what they do. Just because you don’t like a self does
not mean you cannot dialogue with it as long as you stay neutral. For example imagine
Rhett and Fran are partners and are working together. Imagine that Fran is the facilitator
talking to Rhett’s ‘Inner Patriarch’ who does not like Fran and who Fran
does not like either. Fran (as facilitator) asks "How are Rhett and Fran getting on
at the moment?" Rhett’s Inner Patriarch (who has no respect at all for
Fran’s feelings) replies: "Rhett is much more understanding since he started
voice dialogue, but Fran is so weak she worries about him going anywhere unless she tags
along with him." Note that if Fran interrupts at this stage to say "That’s
not true"( or if she gets angry or starts to cry) it just means one of her own
primary selves has taken over to protect her vulnerability. She has fallen out of
her role as an uninvolved and neutral facilitator and the session will need to end at that
point (see point 3.5 on the previous page). If on the other hand she responds with another
neutral question like "How does that affect Rhett?" all is well and the
session can go on. RETURN TO VOICE DIALOGUE TOP PAGE Copyright
© John
Nutting 1996 - - 2004 and ©
GROWING AWARENESS All rights reserved World Wide LAST
UPDATE Wednesday, 12 November 2008 00:03
Don't worry about these copyright notices at the foot
of each page. It just means I want to hang on to legal ownership of what I write
for use in future books. Until that day, please feel free to copy and even
adapt them for your own use and for friends as long as you acknowledge me as the
author and owner of the copyright and you don't charge anyone for them. If you
want to use them professionally or commercially (charge a fee for them) or for
clients, each sheet you hand out must include full acknowledgment of copyright
ownership as above and if you are benefiting as a result, I would
appreciate an appropriate sharing.
How to use voice dialogue to facilitate a friend or partner-